Clearance.

Death chewed me up and spit me out at your feet
where the rain came pounding drowning in her tears
And you took my pants off as I winked and gave a broke-toothed grin
the broken earth won't laugh until she's collapsed under both our skins

and I'll go home wearing all your clothes
'cause you got yours and I got everything
and the hostile storm on swallowed clouds will scream
"Shut the door and run while you still have a chance."

and I'm blackened blood a mess upon the asphalt
I've worked small stones beneath my skin
and now a blinding force holds tight to everything you ever wanted
It's pretty, but a hurricane of quicksand

flashing passion trashed and passed
a twisted perfect body sex upon a fire pit
with ash slashed in cryptic prayers on parchment skin
on snaking steel-toed secrets begging

desperation down into your throat
I need a place- you need the nape of my
spine sliding down against your chest
with slick sweat demanding the curl of hands on my hips

and your tongue against my cracked heal and dilated vessels
I am here and yours on sheets twisted in the grabbing the kneading
the eyes rolled fingers unfurled and curled against my nails and your skin
I'm the piece of trash you nabbed and might just want to love

'Cause tonight you love the way I move
around the shadows in your room
and down the walls I arch and curve
against a fire made by friction

I turn your dreams to cinnamon
scorched lips as you dip your face in
with sugar beaded onto midnight ivory
and hyperventilation sucked between our lungs

I give you take every curve between our bodies
tracks of blood in hallucinations tasting sweet upon your back
you've ask me in to lip the nimble tip of this and that while
throw my moaning groaning song and watch me crack

my bits glitter all along your window sill
slide in to whisper out regret
a simple sign of undenied reminder
that she filled her hands with each piece she could get

I might be death's regurgitated mess on the sidewalk,
I might be pain on traced and wilted stalks,
I might be longing on a train of cash come sunrise,
but tonight, I am the junky dreamer in your bed.

W. G. Sebald

"indeed, at any given time- in the middle of a lesson, at break, or on one of our outings- he might stop or sit down somewhere, alone and apart from us all, as if he, who was always in good spirits and seemed so cheerful, was in fact desolation itself." - W. G. Sebald

A Midnight Movie Marathon

You know as well as I do
we are just sandalwood.
We drift in splintered shocks
split in millions by tender hands and
no one will carve us for good.

We are slivered icing
diamonds singing light on the sidewalk
the pavement freezing fast
holding us captive quick and
keeping us safe for the night
just the night

And we are snowflakes in mid-November
We are dreams on lashes black.
We are smoke at the edge of the park
and we are insanity
Didn't you know we were crazy?

Yet your nonsense is nothing compared
the scrape of slipped shoes on scorned pavement
of slipping screams and winter's creeping
and mortified moments of realization.
Dear God, what did I do?

Excuses made as the lobby turns-
filled with eyes and craning minds
reaching to peak a glimpse
at the guilty girl with greasy hands
Just look on, go on.
Just look.

And there is blood smeared across the screen.
And the whooping hollers cross the theater.
And heavy eyes are laden with more than just
what you wanted her to hear.

I saw you kissing in the street
I saw you kissing in the hall
And more than ever, more than ever
I saw in the dark rows with back-lit awe and

You can't deny that he's in love with you.
He's in love with you.
Girl you're in trouble 'cause
he's not the playing type.

Your yellow skirt and black lace dress
your breakfast jokes and cupcake mess
your promise to be and be and be
a challenge.

You're not giving anything up for free
though his sweetness is beginning to get to you
you trot on
in frozen rain that just might be

snowflakes in mid- November.

"Why didn't you stay?" "Because I had to leave."

It seems I have taken the role of a beast
bare feet on November ice; tracking blood that's not mine.
We were meant to break hearts together-
now you've settled down to chocolate mornings and pouting.

Pouting.

We were meant to break hearts together.
Now you tell me that you are all talk
and truly too soft.
But I believed you- I believed you.

And now I'm the beast with the blood of your friends
dripped from my teeth.
I didn't mean it- I swear I didn't mean it.
My blood is fire with conscious regret
'cause I never meant to hurt anyone.

And now you are angry with
a quiet rage of silver
and one heart is breaking while another one quivers
and this one is begging with his eyes calling
"Please." Quietly, "Please."
Only, "Please don't walk out that door tonight
because I love you."

But I can't stay here now,
I'm so sorry.
No I can't stay here tonight and view my carnage on lit eyes in the morning.
Don't love me.
I will walk away from you, too.

I will close the door on your desperate heart and let you paint my walls in your sorrow.
I will slip past the sleeping heartache and run from the judging eyes of what you are
and not what I thought you were.

You were supposed to be on my side.
You pushed for what you wanted
and didn't hear a word I said.
And now your eyes are piercing up at me
from my own linens and telling him,

"You are better off without her,
she doesn't know what she wants anyway."

And all I ever wanted was to love you.
I loved you and you settled for the man who makes you safe.
We were supposed to be wild together.
Now I've become the woman I thought you wanted me to be
and I find I'm here alone.

I can't have you look at me as a beast.
I can't have your eyes that way.
I will slip them from your skull and between my teeth
before they can bore that look into my mind- no
I need to get out of here.

I can't wake in the mess of all my slaughter.
I need a stronger heart, a larger hand
to let me just be weak for a while.

So I will slip away onto kitchen tiles
I will slip my hand in between his
and I will ask him just one small thing from my throat,
"Will you please take me away from here?"

Moon on the fullest of skin.

This evening tastes of candied apples
but I know the time is nothing of
a broken bit of flavored Snapple
and peppermint to fit the glove

I'd like to take you in my grapple
your hand in mine we'll ride the plains
with wayward hearts for us to tackle
let's not delay, we'll leave in days

I wait for hours at the station
where planes come in and leave the same
and break my clock of eager patience
to kiss your cheeks and say your name

We'll fly the dark bank of Seattle
and kiss the temples of our love
upon the broken leaves of battle
we'll thank the tear-fall from above

for gifting us our flavored favorites
with wine and stories fit to share
and melted fudge between our digits
a sense of magic in the air

before we head south to the forest
where more will wait in open hands
with mystery set out before us
we'll halt the hourglass and sand

make memories of wild dances
and secrets sworn behind the ears
of bodies warm with open chances
kept dormant after all these years

we'll be a night of wild resilience
on dancing feet and cherried brain
and legs to hold our severed brilliance
of memories sought out by name