She's back.

I open my mouth
And pornographic letters emerge
Pushing their dirty heads through my teeth
Breaking my lips like fine china plates
Bought for a wedding no one went to
Stacked in the corner of a basement waiting
For somebody to make them less pretty

And all these single symbols seem to make words
That fall from my face to my stomach to my knees
And in between
All the places nobody’s been before
Nobody real has explored
But my imaginary sounds that don’t really exist kiss them
Tug at my creases and bulges and holes
Sucking and hanging from my virgin clothing
Rolling along my edges
Biting off each other’s heads
Wanting to win me for their own

But
After a while the sentences end
And periods slice through the membranes of my voice
Dropping like wet from a bulging cloud
A pregnant silence trying to miscarry
Pushing my words down towards the floor
Breaking on the pavement or lost in the ocean of carpet
Forgotten

- Ashlin

041608

Your laundry
and my cigarette
are just the same tonight.


What am I waiting for?

Because you asked for it.

I don't know how to just sit anymore.
I don't know how to be miserable and just feel it.
Accept it and
feel it.
I don't know how.

I don't know how to be free anymore.
To laugh and be wild and free anymore.
I'm not afraid of
the darkness
of loneliness.

I don't know how to be broken
and fix it.
I don't know how to
be stuck in the middle.
Or really
how to connect.
And happiness is all relative.

All perspective.

And this misery
is making my-
my body shake
and tre-tremble 'cause-
I don't know how to just be anymore.

And the moon is too far
away.
And the cold is just seeping
while steam burns arising, and
Begging me now to be free.

this trip.

And everything else
fades from focus.
And the shadows of
your face
the
Shades of.
your face

Pools of topaz.
Both blue lines and gold.

041108

"I like the way she writes about
what she's drawn to in others."

The girl on the bus.

I like her complexion
and glass on her face
and flop ridden sandals
and dirt fallen trace.

The fish in her eyes swim
and blushing the cheeks
and rings upon rings on;
stick with me for weeks.

He's always happy.

Pumpkin Ice Cream.
Butterscotch.
Fill my liver
another notch.
You know my seeds are
slow to grow.
But give them sunshine.
Summer sunshine.
Winter Fall Spring
Autumn sunshine.
To fill my heart with
apple moonshine.
But when you plant them
always know,
that pumpkin ice cream
and pies cook slow,
but taste delicious
like all your kisses
and fill the soil with apple wishes.
So plant my seeds
among the weeds
and watch them reach up
through the reeds.
To grasp for sunshine.
A wisp of sunshine.
A glint across
your Summer's sunshine.